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I have a great one with two great members on this board. Back in 2002, Bearmace and BearCon and I decided to take the trip down to Padre. Bearmace was pledging, but since it was spring break he was allowed to drink.
Bearmace and BearCon cracked beer #1 about 7:00am when I stupidly got called out for not drinking early and had to pick up two kegs for the beach. Little did I know how nice the islanders are, but how big of assholes the islands cops are.
So we are cruising down the highway in a shitty red ford pick-up with barely enough room to fit Bearmace in the back. Mace and Con both have beers (at least #4 or #5) and I look at them and with plenty of expletives ask them what the hell are they doing? Cops are looking for any reason to put people in jail. On top of that BearCon was 20, BearMace 19 and I am the loan 21 year old so I am thinking "contributing to a minor..." They promptly tell me to shut up and drive.
So we pull into a beer barn and instead of telling the islanders what I need I decide to strike up a conversation. They went on about how great it was in Padre, I told them we were down from Waco and these were my brothers. BearMace and BearCon did not get out of the car. They opened up another beer and just laid back with their glasses low like the world owed them something. Later, BearCon figured out that someone really owed him something, but I'll wait.
Anyways, I get the two kegs, two taps, bags, ice and then ask Mr. Islander "Hey, if I buy 10 of those 30 packs of Keystone, can you cut me a deal on the remaining 10?" The guy laughs and said no. I told him I would fill up my kegs here every morning and come back for some keystones if he helped me out. Old man whisks back his silver hair and says, "if you buy 15 I'll give you 20..." "DEAL!" So we ran out of room in the bed of the truck and decided to put about 12 - 30 packs of stones in the cab and told BearMace, "Sorry Bro, you have to sit on them!" He cracked another beer as well did BearCon and off to the beach we go. I am cruising the speed limit in a 30 and the berries and cherries light up behind me. I looked at BearCon and started cussing him out because I told him not to drink while I was driving. I looked back at Bearmace and noticed there was no beer or no smell of spilled beer.
BearCon decides he is going to fool the cops with a fake ID and put his beer between the car door and the bucket seat. One more look back at Bearmace and it's like he has done this before or something and he is the young kid here.
I roll down the window "good mornin officer" he replies "do you know how fast you were go....how much beer is in this truck?" I reply "eh, I got the short straw this morn..." he interrupts me "Have you been drinking?" Before I could answer, my hungover great buddy BearCon says in a dazed and confused voice "naaaaaaaw man, we would not do something like that, that's illegal."
So another cop comes out of the car, that's when I knew I was fooked. First cop looks back at BearMace "How much you been drinking? he replies with his ID in the air "I am underage and do not drink sir!" The cop looks and sees that he is sitting on a dozen 30 packs and says to BearMace and I "If I find a beer in here I am taking you guys to jail." While I hold a straight face but want to punch BearCon, something happened that was absolutely amazing.
That cop that got out late, opened up BearCons side of the car, without BearCon seeing him coming, and a Keystone with a lanyard koozie falls right onto his feet. It was very full. BearCon looks at the cop half drunk and says "what tha? How'd that get there???" I dropped my head into the steering wheel and Bearmace was still sitting straight faced in the back. The cops shoes were drenched in keystone beer.
The cop on my side goes over, picks up the beer, with beer koozie in tact and throws it against the wall of a store we were pulled over by. He starts yelling at me "You know you just lied to me!!!" BearCon immediately jumped in and says to the cop "Bro! You know you just littered and threw my property against that building???" the cop says " so that's your beer?" BearCon says "No, but that was my koozie!" I am doing everything in my power not to laugh, he got dragged out the car like a nine-year old who just dropped an F-bomb for the first time, then pushed into the back panel of the cop car. The are giving him hell and I know they are going to at least arrest him.
I looked back at BearMace and said, "we are going to jail and this car is going to get impounded with $600 of cold beer in it." Bearmace just starts laughing and saying "We're f**ked." I asked him "by the way, what did you do with your beer?" He said "shotgunned it and am stuck it under your seat."
Next thing you know, to my complete and utter surprise, BearCon comes hobbling back to the car with a pink slip. He gets in the car and the cops speed off with their lights on. I asked him what they wrote him a ticket for and he looked at me and said "hold on bro". He runs over and grabs his koozie off of the dead beer the cop tossed, gets back in the car and cracks another beer. He replies "ticket? He did not write me a ticket, but he gave me this to give to you. You were going 34 in a 30!!! Here is your license back." BearMace and BearCon just laugh, BearMace says "why were you speeding maaaan?" I was irate.
Karma struck my good old buddy BearCon that weekend though. Bearmace and I made it back to Waco free and clear of anything wrong other than having a good spring break (and a ticket.) BearCon comes back with Gonorrhea. Karma is a bitch.
This post has been edited 3 times, most recently by Bear15 on 3/13/2013 at 9:08 PM
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Bear15, I'm in tears man. That was a helluva start to that trip, and that's not even the story that jumps out at me when I look back on that trip!
[Warning: this story is long-winded and probably not worth it, but I've got to try]
The one I remember was when me and a certain active member with an enormous head went out to grab some dinner before meeting everyone at the bar that night. We'd been going to Louie's every night and wanted to mix it up and go to some other place that night. Everyone agreed, so after a long day of beach drinking we head out to grab a slice of pizza then meet up at whatever the other bar was.
Not surprisingly, all of our friends either lied or forgot and ended up going to Louie's anyways. Chiz and I were already at the other place so we decided to have a few drinks there and check it out. (Now this is a good place in the story to remind you that I'm 19 and Chiz might have even been 22 already.) We were both basically sober when we left to eat, you know, as sober as a two college kids who have been drinking on a beach all day can be.
So we're having a few at this other bar and meet some coeds, start chatting them up and shots start flowing. Chiz and I are going drink for drink, shot for shot, just having a good ol time. One of the only things I recall from the actual bar that night was my buddy getting flung off a mechanical bull in such an amazingly drunken way that he cleared all the padding and landed with an impressive thud straight on the deck. We end up staying there til close and make the walk back to hotel to meet up with rest of our idiot friends.
As soon as we get there we run into like 6 of said idiots (BearCon was one) and start to head up to late night up in the condo tower. We get off the elevator and are heading down the hall to their room, me and my drinking buddy Chiz trailing everybody by like 20 feet coming down the hallway. Next thing I know everyone in front of us busts out laughing and all take off running down the hallway. Naturally, we follow suit. We're almost to the end of the hallway when it sounds like beer bottle explodes behind us. We end up taking the stairs down a floor running back down to the elevator. I have no idea what's going on at this point.
The elevator doors open and we run into another for or five guys we know, and like any good group of drunk frat kids on spring break that elevator turned into high five city. We ride that thing back down to the lobby, Chiz and I take like two steps off and are immediately placed in handcuffs. We have ZERO clue why.
They walk us out front and lean us up against a cop car and start giving us the business. "Why'd you do it?" this cop keeps asking. I'm like "do what? I have no idea what you're talking about?" He says "we know you broke that window up there. We saw you high fiving on the elevator to celebrate it." I'm thinking WTF, high fives, broken windows? I start to trying to explain to him that I think someone launched a beer bottle at us but beyond that I had no idea what he was talking about. I'm looking over to my buddy Chiz for some help, but apparently despite being 2-3 older than me his tolerance wasn't up to par and this dude is no longer speaking English. Just leaned up against the cop car in cuffs mumbling his face off. Zero help. So my drunk 19-year-old self is left trying to reason with the cops to pull up the surveillance video or something and see that I haven't done anything. They're not buying it.
At this point the cop asks to see my ID. The problem is I know that directly behind my real ID is the incredibly fake ID we had stopped and had made on our way down, so I know I can't just let him get it out, I've got to hand it to him myself. So somehow I'm able to actually get my own wallet and ID out while wearing handcuffs and hand it over to the officer. Problem was, the cheap ass fake I'd had made completely stuck to the real ID when I handed it to him and the cop says, "well, well, what do we have here?!"
My fearless 19-year-old brain had to think fast. I remembered we had used rubbing alcohol to rub off some legal disclaimer on the back of the fakes so I basically rambled off some nonsense about how it was just a novelty I'd use to mess with my friends and that I'd never actually use it to drink! Not me! Brilliant excuse, right?
About this time a certain fellow fraternity member and future District Attorney with a temper is being walked out the front door of the hotel with his hand wrapped in a bloody towel like he'd just survived a shark attack. A security guard walks over and tell the cops that I was telling the truth after all and that this other guy had broken the window. VINDICATION!
Apparently when we were walking down that hallway one of our genius friends (BearCon) decided to open the little sliding window to one of the bedrooms from the hallway. Problem was that one of our friends (the future DA) was in said room hooking up with some girl, prompting the group to laugh and take off running. Apparently it also prompted the rather volatile guy in the room to go full blown Incredible Hulk and punch through the like 1/4inch sliding window glass (what I thought sounded like a breaking bottle).
So now I'm off hook for the window, but the cop is still holding my fake ID that I so brilliantly handed him so this can't end well for me, right? Wrong. I don't know if the cop felt bad for being a hard ass and then ending up being wrong or what, but he takes my handcuffs off, tells me he'll be keeping my "novelty" ID, informs me that I could pick my buddy Chiz up from jail anytime after 6:00am and proceeded to haul his of-legal-drinking-age self off to the drunk tank, leaving me to go about my underage spring break business. I must have been coated in Teflon that trip! Only downside was that I think I was out almost a grand by the time I bailed Chiz out of jail and somehow ended up paying for the window too (the joys of being a pledge).
Can God still technically save a hooker?
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